Dear Diary 02.14.14

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Well, it’s arrived. Valentine’s Day. I have seen several prompts to get me writing on love and general valentiney-ness. I just can’t think of anything to write. Does my lack of inspiration mean I have grown jaded in my ‘old age’? I don’t see myself as being a jaded person. But neither am I starry eyed. I work at a University, so I see young couples all the time walking across campus. They hold hands and smile warmly at each other, walking close in the wind or rain. I wonder if they will end up married with families; in a happy and loving relationship or if the future holds heart break for them. I look at them and I watch and wonder. 

When you’re an adult and you’re married, maintaining a good relationship with your spouse is difficult when you are both pressed for time, there are children and house chores involved. It’s not easy to be honest to like one another on a daily basis when all the little things get in the way. You forget the things you loved about one another when you were younger or first together. You only think about the dirty clothes that pile up and the chores that don’t get done. You think about the annoying way your spouse chews their food or snores in their sleep.

Even though the sparkly shine may be gone from the love you once rejoiced over, it doesn’t mean the frame isn’t still solid. I have learned that there are things worth fighting about and things worth fighting for and once you decipher the difference between what those things are, you’ll be alright.

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not, I hope your life is full of love in one form or another and that you take time to celebrate that love in any way you can.

 

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Dear Diary

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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. I have been very sick and bed ridden for almost a week now, so I couldn’t get my husband anything. He, however, snuck down into my crafting studio and STOLE supplies to make me a lovely card. 🙂 I will forgive him.

Thinking about 10 years together with my husband has made me think of where I was 10 years ago. I was not writing anymore, having put it aside. At the time I thought I would never write again. My soul was broken not to mention my heart. They say time heals all and I am here to tell you that is a load of crap. Time heals nothing. The only thing Time does is to give you other things to think about. But those hurtful things you’re trying to cover up like a cat in a litter box are still there. There is no healing. There is only an open wound covered by a band aid that gets ripped off when a specific name, place, song, car, or word is mentioned. It’s painful and we hurry to put a fresh band aid on before anyone sees the blood.

The beauty of being broken is that you sink and are able to see the world from the bottom of the ocean. Everything moves in slow motion and nothing is as beautiful as it once was in the sun. But it has a different beauty, a dark loveliness that you learn to appreciate and accept. I am definitely not the happy girl I used to be, but I’m working on it and I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children to show me that no matter how bad some moments in my life have been, there are millions of moments more that bring joy to my heart.

Here’s to tons of happiness in the next 10 years!!

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Dear Diary

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Monday, January 13, 2014

Dear Diary…

Today I am home sick from work, contemplating on my writing career such as it is. I have a day job that often hinders me from writing… only because I have to pay my bills somehow and have not become famous from my outstanding and amazing writing skills as of YET.

I did not make my usual New Year’s Resolution of losing weight this year, so perhaps that’s why I feel a little off. I haven’t posted a blog post in a while and I feel bad about that. I think posting and writing is fun and others seem to enjoy it, so I should do that more often. I try to be regular and did really good for a while, but then… SHINY! What was I saying? Oh yes, I have new shoes… What? That’s not what I was talking about before. Oh. Crap. …

So I started a new business with my bestie and business partner, Crafty Bishes. There’s my shameless plug. 🙂 We offer crafting kits, tutorials and classes in the Salem, Oregon area. But seriously, that’s part of the reason I’ve been absent from this blog and for that, I apologize.

In preparation for an event I’m doing with Crafty Bishes in April (another plug, sorry I couldn’t help myself but it does apply to what I’m about to say), I’ve been re-reading some Jane Austen novels. I love Jane’s work. I think my favorite, should I be forced at gun point to choose one (though I’m not sure why that would ever happen… ever), would be Pride and Prejudice. I just love Lizzie and Mr. Darcy. But reading these words, written in 1813, it is astounding to me that people still read and love these stories today. This year, in 2013 (oops, that’s last year..doh!), Pride and Prejudice was written 200 YEARS AGO! That is fu$%ing amazing! As a writer, it floors me to think that someone could be reading my work 200 years from now!

Sometimes I wonder why I write. I mean, it’s part of me, I always come back to writing, but WHY? Why do I do it? For fun? For money? Fame? Yes, yes, and yes. We can say we do it because we love writing, which is ultimately true, but all the writers I know would love to make money off of it. 🙂 But for me, words are fascinating. The power of words is so incredible. Advertising. The Bible. Textbooks. Love notes. Rejection letters. We all read things and those things have an affect on us. Words can make us feel, think, grieve, rejoice, condemn… they are so powerful. Both written and spoken.

So I am inspired to write something that someone will want to read 200 years from now. Here’s to an exciting and prolific prophetic productive (I knew it was a P word I was looking for!) 2014.

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